Everyone thinks because I’m a good writer, that magically equates to being an amazing speaker.
Truth be told my mind races with imagery and emotions I often fall short of being able to put into words- not because I can’t, I simply don’t want to. Can I live?
Everything doesn’t need to be said. I just want to live in the moment and experience his energy. Every second with him breathes life and energy into me in ways only my heart can feel and my mind can understand.
I guess you can say it felt like a collision, that moment we connected and I looked in his big dark eyes and felt a tingle in my belly I haven’t felt since I was a teenager. Always one to go 1000 miles an hour, he forced me to stop and be still. I knew I liked him and wanted him around but was I ready?
Everyday I wake up to the love of my life and just stare. Those silent moments you watch your partner sleep and praise the heavens for nothing more than the sweet calming sound of their breathing.
It never mattered I wasn’t ready for this moment because this moment was ready for me. Everyday is a new adventure and I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, walking a tight rope between his love and my insecurities.
Everyday I learn to let go and let God. I have no idea what’s coming tomorrow but I love the magic that happens everyday whether it’s between the sheets or between the words that we entrust with one another.
Trust. Love. Intimacy.
I almost forgot what that felt like until I met him.
I can tell he wants to hear the energy that’s felt in my heart but I’m a writer. I don’t want to talk about my feelings, I would much rather put them on paper.
So, here we are. I used to think I was at a loss for words but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I’m just in love and every moment with him takes my breath away.
For the first time ever, I’m speechless. But I can put a million words on paper and infinitely describe happiness and how he lights my heart. Everyday I make a choice to be a better woman than the day before. Than the relationship before. Because I never want to see him go. Change is uncomfortable but growth has made me stand in the woman, and partner, that I am.
So here I am.
A woman terrified of being in love, vulnerable and starting over after divorce. But, we are here.
Connected. Imperfect. And hopeful.
I love you.
And there’s trust.
Govern yourself accordingly.