Advice can be a total success, or disaster.
Personally, I don’t like giving advice to my friends because women don’t like to accept instruction. They like to hear what you say then debate wisdom. I have better things to do.
Like sleep. Which is what I wasn’t doing at 2 AM when my friend Morgan called me sobbing.
“What did Tre do?” I asked.
I figured I would skip the small talk because why else would she be calling me at 2 AM crying knowing I had to get up early in the morning for my big day.
“He’s cheating.” She screamed.
“No shit,” I thought.
“Oh my goodness” I responded, “How did you find out?”
“I logged on to Facebook and this girl sent me pictures, screenshots, and videos.” She could barely say the words through tears and anger.
“Not again.” I thought. I didn’t dare say it out loud though.
“Videos?” I asked. “These side chicks are getting bolder and these men are getting dumber” I said to myself.
“He let her take videos?” I asked her.
“Let me text you” she said.
As I was waiting for the texts to appear on my IPad Pro, I told myself either one or two things was about to happen this week. Either she was about to leave her husband, or she wasn’t. My money was on “wasn’t” and I just wanted to go back to bed.
I checked my IPad and there they were. I had to make a mental note to delete these so my daughter wouldn’t see this. Or my son. Or me again. This was insane and I wanted no parts.
“So what did he say when you confronted him?” I asked slowly because I wondered if he would really deny anything at this point.
“It wasn’t me” she said in disbelief. I must have been in disbelief too because I almost dropped my phone.
“So this girl sends you a video of his beard in between her legs and he denied it?’ I asked genuinely stunned.
“I can see his custom asscher cut canary yellow wedding ring in the picture wiping her juices from his mouth. That’s bold” I thought.
“He said it wasn’t him” she said, like she half believed him.
“What did she say?” I asked. “Did you speak to her?”
“She said she was on spring break her senior year in high school and he asked her if she wanted a sugar daddy.” Morgan said. “Apparently she said yes. She sent receipts. He transfered money to her Wells Fargo account twice a month, for the last three months. He has been down to Palm Springs to see her twice at an Air BnB.”
“That’s crazy” I thought, “Because I had to loan you money to turn your lights on last month.”
Did I say it out loud? Nope. Didn’t want to add insult to injury. Note to self, though.
I wanted to ask how much but that wasn’t going to help the situation.
“Am I crazy or is this Lena’s husband in the background with two chicks?” I asked finally waking up.
Lena was our other homegirl and her marriage was a shit show too. No one would ever know though. They were both pastors at the church we went to. They are both attorneys in Atlanta with a very profitable divorce practice. They live in a half a million dollar home. Carlos drives a Tesla, she drives a Porsche. He went to Howard, she went to Clark. They have four beautiful kids. They are the hashtag #BlackExcellence, but I know better than to believe everything I see posted on social media. Their marriage is a real delight from the outside looking in but from where I was sitting, Lena’s husband was in the background experiencing an oral buffet from two underage teenagers.
“Girl yes” Morgan said in such a way that let me know she thought “At least I am not her.” “I have more pictures of more girls with him. You know he sniffs coke?” She asked.
I didn’t know that but I could tell from the picture of him snorting lines from places his nose, or mouth, should never be without his wife’s permission.
Truth be told, I pitied them both.
“So how did this happen?” I asked.
I could hear the hesitance through the phone. “This is going to be good” I thought. “She is about to tell me something that is about to make me lose faith in men even more than I already have. I am about to have an “I told you so moment”.
As a friend, I probably shouldn’t have been having these thoughts but woman to woman, we have been here before so I already knew she was about to say something extra dumb.
“Remember that comedy cruise my husband and Carlos went on in July to Jamaica?” she asked.
I took a deep breath. I remember the cruise well. I remember spending hours on the phone with each of them warning them that no married man should ever go on a cruise without their wives. We have been on cruises around the world together.
Half dressed women, alcohol and hormones never mix. Loose women don’t care about wives.
“Men have to be armored with the sanctity of marriage” I warned them, “Or they won’t be able to stand against temptation.”
“Stop preaching to us” they said. “You think you found God and know everything. Besides, it is a guy cruise and our sons will be there too. Our husbands won’t do anything with them around.” They said.
“Give no opportunity to temptation. Flesh is weak.” I tried to tell them. I tried to be a good friend and speak from wisdom and from the failings of my own marriage. But, they didn’t listen. So, here we are. 4 AM in the morning with Morgan asking me what she should do.
“Are you going to tell Lena?” I asked.
“Hell no” she said. “I don’t want to be the reason they get divorced. What if she doesn’t believe me? Then she will be mad at me and they won’t invite us to the Jack and Jill events. You know I want to become a member.”
“Why me?” I silently asked God. “So what are you going to do?” I asked her.
“I don’t know” she said. I bit my tongue. “Our anniversary is in two weeks. How can I pretend to be happy with all this going on?”
She was either about to leave her husband, or she wasn’t. Remember, my money was on “wasn’t”.
“Are you going to leave?” I asked.
Personally, I just wanted to go to bed. I need to remember to turn my phone on “Do Not Disturb” during the night. I hate it when people wake me up for non-emergency reasons, like this.
“I can’t leave him” Morgan said.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Because” she said, “God isn’t done with him yet.”
At that exact moment, my phone died.
“Would you look at God?” I thought. “Won’t he do it?”
I went back to sleep.