I don’t care what the law says, the laws aren’t always right.

The #MeToo movement has created awareness around women’s bodies, what constitutes as sexual assault, and consent.

Some stuff is common sense. For the most part, the average human being understands “bad touches” and what “no” means. As I’ve been dating for the last two years since my separation from my ex-husband and subsequent divorce, I find dating is a lot like boxing- protect yourself at all times. When I say “protect”, I don’t just mean condoms. Before I get to a point where I will go out with a man, I’ve learned that things aren’t always what they seem and I need to do my due diligence.

There was Nas’r Escobar, a self-described attorney from New York City who said he graduated from Harvard with a law degree. He claimed to own his own law practice and said he was dating with a purpose, he was dating to find a wife. I’ve never met Nas’r but we spoke often on the phone after he pursued me via social media. Something didn’t seem right about him so I looked him up. Turns out Nas’r’s real name is Sherman Alexander and he’s no lawyer, he did time in a federal penitentiary for fraud related activities.

Then there was Claude Thomas, another “attorney” from Atlanta whom I met at a Spelhouse homecoming a year ago. After our second conversation, I knew something was awry when he told me he was a third shift labor attorney. As a senior level HR practitioner who specializes in Title 7, as well as various other labor laws, I knew bullshit when I heard it. I looked him up. Not only is he a correction’s officer (nothing wrong with that), his picture is posted in the girl’s dorms on Georgia State University’s campus as someone they should be wary of because he is a predator, often seen circling the girl’s dorms in his luxury car going after freshman.

Most recently, I encountered Edwin Johnstein, another “lawyer” from Atlanta who claims to be barred in ten states and worth over 250 million dollars. He also claims to presently be in the military as a high ranking official who is close to retirement. His pickup line is he is  “looking for a wife” since his last wife passed away. It’s no surprise that he’s no lawyer. I figured this out the same day he contacted me for the first time.

One has to really wonder what goes through the mind of a man who goes through these lengths to attract women. Relationships cannot be sustained on lies so it’s appropriate and practical to deduce that these types of men lie not to engage in meaningful relationships but to impress women for the sole purpose of gaining their trust to enter their bodies all while circumventing consent.

That’s not okay. It isn’t illegal but it should be.

It’s one thing for a man to have a certain car he can’t afford, wear fake designer clothes, or lie about his income while dating to impress women. We can call those white lies. It’s a whole other ballgame to lie about everything after “hello”. All three of these men lied about some combination of their names, what they do and who they are on every level. Nas’r went as far as to lie about having a dead child. Who does that? I’ve also had two “fiances” of his contact me because they saw my blog post about him and wanted to know what was going on. Neither woman knew his real name or criminal history. They also didn’t know about one another.

Imagine if I engaged in a physical relationship with any of these men. I would have felt violated beyond measure. I would have felt like I had sex with a complete stranger and  I would have felt like my ability to consent was compromised by lies and deceit. I would have felt raped and I am sure that there are women every where who would agree with me.

For the life of me, I cannot figure out why men act as though this is all part of “the game”. “The game” is the reason Bill Cosby will rot in jail, Russell Simmons fled the country, and countless of other men have been asked to resign from powerful positions at major corporations. “The game” birthed the #MeToo movement that men hate so much but #MeToo is necessary because in 2018, men fail to sharpen other men and think it’s okay to say and do whatever is needed to satisfy their own lust and lewd fantasies.

I also can’t figure out why men retort with “If he wasn’t a lawyer, would you have spoken to him? That’s why he lied.”

This is also BS.

These men lie about who they are because they fall short as men and know that no self-respecting woman would give them the time of day otherwise. These men don’t want to meet women on their level. Instead, they want to attract financially secure, educated and stable women to trick, manipulate, and dispose of. If their intentions were pure, there wouldn’t be a need for this level of trickery.

I agree with men that the onus is on women to do their research and protect themselves. After all, it’s our bodies and our responsibility to ensure we make the right decisions about who we date and who we bed. When Bernie Madeoff took massive amounts of money from investors, he was jailed for life. Was it not the responsibility of those investors to ensure they were making sound financial decisions? It’s amazing that Bernie Madeoff was held accountable for doing with money what men do to female bodies everyday. The same way those investors felt violated is the same way women feel when men go through great extremes to lie about who they are for the sole purpose of having sex.

Who knew that in 2018, women would have to resort to running background checks on the men that pursue them. It sounds insane but it’s necessary because too many men lack boundaries and the moral compass to understand that lying for sex is immoral and feels like a violation of our bodies and mental health as well.

I don’t care what anyone says. Lying for sex is rape and I can’t wait till the day that rape laws catch up to “the times”.

Ladies, if he says he is a lawyer, look him up. Ask him what state he is barred in and check that state’s bar association website, it is public information. If he’s not there, he’s not a lawyer.

Thank me later.

 

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