“Are you bi?” he asked.

I hate this part of dating. In Atlanta. Relationships are real different now a days. It never fails.

Before I tell this story, first let me say I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks. You hate gay people? Cool. You want to judge how I live my life? Awesome. Either way, you are reading my blog and I appreciate the views, and dollars.

Now that we have that out the way, I can get to the point.

I like men and women. Don’t ask me why. Don’t ask me how old I was when I figured this out. Those questions are annoying. And I don’t effing know. It just happened.

Maybe it was how I lost my virginity. I was 13. He was 21. She was 17. It was amazing. Don’t give me that “statutory rape” lecture. I don’t want to hear it. I liked it and ever since then, I  was hooked.

Usually, I try to avoid talking about sex on my blog. Why? Well, I am a HR Director. Do you know how hard it is to get a job when all your blog posts go viral and pop up on Google? Talking about race relations, sex and relationships don’t seem to go over well when hiring managers look me up.. If you think about it, I really have no choice but to make this writing thing work because it is hell getting a real 9-5 and getting hiring managers to look over my blog, lifestyle and personality.

I’m a dope HR professional though.

But back to the point. Dating after divorce is hard. I meet all sorts of men with varying levels of mental illness that I want no parts of. It was a breath of fresh air to meet “him”. Chocolate. Successful. Great conversation. Amazing with my kids. And I love the way he touches me.

But then he asked the question.

“Do you like girls?”

I wanted to lie and tell him no. I don’t always feel like sharing and I really like him. I didn’t want to stain our relationship too early by adding a new person into the mix. I’m still trying to figure him out and he’s still trying to figure me out and shits confusing. I’m divorced and he’s coming out of a 10 year relationship so I really wanted to focus on us.

But he’s different though. I remember my girlfriends bragging about their sexual escapades. I have heard all different types of stories about sex, size, girth, oral and everything in between. When I listen to these stories about out of this world climaxes and sexual experiences, I feel left out. I can’t relate. Until now.

I was with my first boyfriend ten years and he’s the standard I hold all men by sexually. Big dick but cheated all the time. I got tired and I left.

Then there was my son’s dad. Awful. Down right terrible. He was the smallest and quickest man I have ever been with. Six years together and I never gave him head. He came inside me once and that is how I got my son. Why? That’s another blog post for another day.The point is he was terrible and I experienced 6 years of the worst sex of my life.

I guess this is the part where I get myself in trouble and my friends and ex husband’s family members start shooting me texts saying “TMI” and “You don’t have to share everything, one day your kids will see this.” Seriously, my son’s dad was horrible. The sex was quick and he believed only hookers gave head. Not that I am jumping up and down to get on my knees but there was a serious disconnect in our relationship. I haven’t really written about that yet, but maybe one day I will.

Then there was my husband. I’m going to skip past our sex life for now. He still texts me every so often asking if we can still…

So let’s fast forward to new bae. God, he’s amazing. He doesn’t have the biggest dick I have ever had but there is something special about him. It’s big, but not the biggest. And it is THE BEST.  I remember the first time we had sex, I was hooked. I’ve never had a man fill me like that and move that way. I completely lost control. I wanted him as often as I could consume him because I never experienced anything like that before. The alpha female gets knocked right out of me and I totally submit when I feel him inside me. He also has the dreamiest eyes and takes care of me the way I need a man to.

I hate sharing. But I did and It wasn’t the biggest deal in the world. I love threesomes. I love sex. I love living for the moment and being free. He asked, I obliged.

Maybe this is the moment that separates wives from girlfriends.

I took every precaution. Condoms. Rules.. Safe words.

But nothing could prepare me for the worst case scenario. The condom slid off.

I imagined a life with this man. I wanted to be his wife one day. I looked at our baby pictures and knew that we would create something special, when the time was right. I was focused though. Career, money, writing, kids, new house, and us.

Everyone asks why I call myself Divorced Wife. Isn’t it a contradiction? You are either one or the other, right? Nah, I’m both. Yes, I’m divorced but I still know what being a wife is. I know what it means to go through really high ups and really low lows and fight through situations with a man because you love him.

Eventually you have to look in the mirror though. Where is the line between you and what you will settle for? Somewhere in my marriage, I drew a line. I couldn’t take it anymore and I left. But I still understand what it means to be a wife and I understand what it means to be divorced and completely fucking over it. All of it. People grow apart. No hard feelings.

So I said yes. Let’s have a threesome. Truth be told, I lost respect for him in that moment. Was it fun? Yes. Did I really want to share him? No. But it was an experience he wanted so I obliged, like wives do.

Imagine when we got that “I’m late” text. God, I was frustrated. I was in the middle of moving from one home to another smack dab in the middle of unemployment and my ex husband wasn’t paying child support. I was stressed the fuck out. The last thing I needed was her telling my man she wanted our life, so she was keeping our baby.

This wasn’t what I signed up for. He wanted the experience, we took precautions and the condom slid off. What was I supposed to do? Even though my life was in a whirlwind, I still have four college degrees, a house that is paid off and a professional career to stand on. I wasn’t supporting her fourth child with my boyfriend because he wanted a threesome. And she wanted some preconceived notion of what she thought he provided.

Nope.

This is the best part of divorce, or not being married. I can always move on.

She’s keeping the baby so I left.

I know there are a lot of wives and girlfriends reading this wondering if they should submit to a threesome because their man asked.

It’s on you. I have had great threesomes. And one that ended with a baby and a woman who kept it. We are all adults and make decisions. Some good, some bad.

I know what I want in a husband though and this isn’t it.  His desires led us down a path I’m not willing to commit to and I have the title of girlfriend, not wife.

So I left.

And I am a better woman for it.

I know what I want in a husband. It’s another blog post for another day. But I know this isn’t it.

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