You should have been in a strip club somewhere.

I knew what he meant when he said it. He meant it to be nice.

I’m tired of people and their shitty words of affirmation and advice though.

What he meant was “You have come a long way from foster care in New York City. Most people who grew up without their parents, a steady home or environment usually don’t grow up to earn four degrees and become stable parents”.

But what he said was you should have been in a strip club somewhere.

He’s not the first person this year to utter something shitty, with good intentions, to me. My year began with my best friend of 23 years doing the same. Always filled with lots of advice, and good intentions, something about her delivery was off. Especially when said delivery came from her boyfriend judging me about things I told my friend in private.

As women, we evolve. Experiences, relationships, and children are some of the things that change who we are at our core. Our view of the world changes and our expectations of who we are and how we want to be treated changes according to both our good and bad experiences.

I’ve come a long way as a writer and so many people have so much to say. I’ve learned to block unsolicited advice but every so often someone’s words will cut me.

No, I should not have been in a strip club somewhere. Or anywhere.

I dated a guy this year who taught me one of the biggest life lessons to date. If something doesn’t feel right, leave. You are accountable for your circumstances and your feelings. He literally exited a relationship days before he was scheduled to say “I do”.

While most would argue this was a red flag, I would argue the bigger red flag is being an adult who can’t control the environment around you. Unbeknownst to him, he taught me one of the most valuable lessons I could learn as a woman. And I will never forget it.

If it doesn’t feel right, let it go.

My circle gets smaller with every year but 2019 will be special. No announcements. I’m not changing my phone number. No one is getting blocked on social media.

I’m just over it.

People who lack boundaries and positive words of affirmation about where I am or where I am going won’t get any energy from me 2019.

No hard feelings. This is just the space I am in and what I need to do for me to grow.

In peace.

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