No one said dating is easy.
In fact, relationships are hard period. No one stays together anymore because they don’t have to. Modern relationships seem more transactional and are no longer rooted in family stability and moral grounds. People seem to come to the table with a “What have you done for me lately” attitude instead of healing from their past traumas and building with someone they are compatable with.
What are some red flags that you should look out for? We could easily name 50 of them, but let’s start with 3 simple ones to spot easily before committing to Miss or Mister Wrong.
Are they elusive?
I get it, everyone has secrets or things about themselves that are simply no one’s business. There is a difference, however, between being private and hiding something.
Are you guys getting serious but they are hush on finances? This could be a huge red flag. Maybe they are great with money and want to maintain separate incomes and bills. Or, maybe their finances are a detriment and they don’t want you to know. Over half of divorces are grounded in finances. Having a partner be elusive about their income and bills is a huge reason to pump your brakes.
Have you met the person they have children with? If not, why? Trust your intutition. Too many times we believe the lies from the one we love instead of the truth in front of us. If you haven’t met their ex who they have a child by, there is a huge possibility that maybe that person isn’t as much of an “ex” as they would lead you to believe.
Take the time to iron out the facts and figure out what is fact and what is fiction. It will save you heartache in the long run.
Are things moving too fast?
Hear me out.
Imagine meeting the love of your life one day then divorcing them the next. It happens. When things move really fast, take the time to slow things down and assess why it’s moving so fast.
This is more common than you think. Do you think your new partner’s intentions are pure? Or do they simply need a place to stay? Is there something about the relationship that is advantageous to their needs that you don’t see, or that you are pretending not to see?
Too many times people end up in one-sided relationships because they seek love and the person they love has selfish intentions.
Don’t move so fast that you trip over your bad decisions and get wrapped up in someone who doesn’t deserve or love you. Really, it’s okay to be alone. What you don’t want to do is date/marry the wrong person and discover something worse than loneliness in the partner you chose.
Does the relationship feel good?
We all go through our ups and downs in relationships and that is normal.
You know what isn’t normal?
Constant arguing, gaslighting, cheating, lying, and other toxic behaviors that no one should have to settle for. It’s okay to walk away from a person you love. Not everyone is all bad. The person who you love can be really good to you and really bad for you at the same time. If you feel yourself constantly going through really high ups and really low downs on a consistent basis, it may be time to leave. These are clear signs of a narcissistic partner and this never ends well for anyone.
The best advice we could give anyone in a relationship or thinking about making things serious is to lead with your head, not your heart. We see things so clearly when we step back and assess the facts in front of us. Don’t be afraid to be alone and walk away from situations that don’t feel good. It will save you a world of pain in the future.